you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit

We’re having another boy and I’m so embarrassed to admit that I was a little bummed when I saw the 12 week old wee wee reveal itself during a genetic testing ultrasound. Hello spread eagle! At that very moment of disappointment, I also felt guilty for feeling anything other than joy. It really was like the devil in one ear and an angel in the other.IMG_5044 (1)

Angel

  • What a gift that we’ve been blessed with another healthy pregnancy
  • Look at that sweet little man moving around in there
  • We have another sweet son on the way
  • Porter will have that an unbreakable brotherly bond I’ve heard about
  • I’m growing another human that’s half me, half the man I love
  • Little boys supposedly love their moms more than girls do during the teenage years
  • No weddings to pay for
  • I get to reuse most of Porter’s stuff and save a little money
  • I’m having a baby, what is there to be upset about?

Devil

  • You’ve always imagined having a girl
  • You’ll never have a girl
  • You’ll never have that mother/daughter bond
  • You’ll never get to do her nails and take her shopping
  • You’ll never…the list goes on

What the hell! Get out of my head Debbie Downer! What’s crazy annoying is that pregnancy hormones do so many things…why can’t they block these negative feelings too? If anything, they probably perpetuated the negative feelings even more!

Thankfully, I didn’t go as far as to cry during the ultrasound and I snapped out of it by the next day. But it really did take a day for me to process this and feel genuinely excited about another boy. The good news is we want three, so there’s still a chance. But I think the real lesson here is that you’re going to have what you’re meant to have and you need to be happy with it.

“You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit” — heard of that saying IMG_5060from when you were a kid? It’s often used in juvenile contexts, but it actually has some truth/depth to it and the lesson behind it sounds frighteningly similar to my favorite quote by my favorite philosopher, written in my favorite book.  I read it while studying Philosophy in college and it seriously changed how I process life.

“everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Viktor Frankl, A Man’s Search for Meaning

My circumstances are that at some point in March, Ill be the mother of two boys whom I love with all of my being and I get to raise them with the man I love more than I ever thought possible. So that’s my choice. I choose excitement and celebration for this wonderful life we’ve created and sometimes I’ll take my niece shopping and paint her nails.